new blogginings part 2

NEW SEASON!!!
I have been on a 2 week vacation and its been amazing.....  I didn't want to leave.  I WAS EXPERIENCING CRAZY FEELINGS.. I was feeling an overwhelming sense of love and separation anxiety from the Teen Challenge ladies. So the first few days was actually hard to not think about them and enjoy..then the Lord helped me to let go and RELAX...ahhhh and relax I did, as well as shop, sleep in, stay up late with my hubby and go go go...  This is the first time we planned to come back 5 days early and just hang out at home...and that was a total GOD thing..that was the best part to be HOME in our own bed and just be quiet and relax and read...  GREAT VACATION.  The absolute best part was the BRAVE womens conference at my church... I have been praying for something like this for about 5 years or so.
Our guest speaker was a pastor from hilltop tacoma church.  Pastor Tai Mambea.  A Holy spirit filled woman of God.  What a GREAT message.  Alot of it was confirmation as to what I feel the Lord is speaking to my heart.  Ephesians chapter one... Praying that the eyes of my heart be opened that I would KNOW the hope of his calling in my life...I pray this over my daughters and son but not over myself...God said to KEEP FIGHTING...in the spirit...do not be weary in well doing ...dont faint ...keep believing..BE BRAVE COURAGEOUS... I loved hearing the testimonies of the ladies from my church...the honesty and transparency was so powerful, thats what a testimony is...  telling the story of CHRIST transforming a life... To stand before a crowd and tell the yucky stuff the stuff that brought shame and disgrace and tell how you are no longer in bondage to it..that is powerful to me..In my weakness YOU are made strong...beautiful.  The whole weekend I strongly felt the presence of the Lord...He is doing something new in this body...HEALING us all from insecurities, vulnerabilities and fears...addictions hurts habits and hang ups.. Its a NEw beginning, a time for us all to come out of hiding and GET REAL...We are not perfect, no one is...thats why we need a savior... There is no good in me its only the Lord...  More tomorrow...Gotta go, husband is calling me..Good night...

A loss of a beautiful friend

WOW.  I have not blogged in awhile.  I guess you could say I have had a block.  which is crazy because I really want to write.  Guess I better just start writing.  This summer is almost over.  I am in Washington  and we have had SUN for about a month.  This has been the most awesome summer and the worst at the same time.  In May my awesome friend whom I loved so much Died of Cancer.  Thankfully I got to see her about a week before.  God blessed me with this relationship.  We both gave so much to each other.   She was such an inspiration to me.  She showed up at work everyday grateful to have a job. SHe loved her job soo much.  And we all loved her.  She was our greeter  so the first thing you saw each morning was her voice good Morning, always happy.  She made it her job to know everyone's name.  At the end she would show up after having chemo and very very sick.  Grateful to have a job and to have friends and support.  She shared her faith in God with me.  I had always believed that the Lord wanted me to share my faith with her.  She had lung cancer and lost parts of both lungs, but lived through that.  She recovered.  Then her husband died.  Not too long after that she  felt  a lump on her neck and was struggling  with pain.  Fear of the worst.  Yes, the cancer came back and began to spread.  She did the chemo for as long as she could and then had to stop. It wasn't too long after that she passed away.  We talked alot about God and what was ahead for her. She  told me she wasn't afraid.  Somedays though I would walk into work and see her and she would just start crying and I would hold her in my arms for a few minutes, and we would both cry.   and then she would pull it together and smile again.  She would greet everyone with love.  She had a strong faith that she would be with Jesus. I know she is.   She has freedom from pain and heartache now.  Perfect peace.  I will cherish the special memories I have with her forever in my heart.
We cannot always give an answer as to why things happen as they do.  Life doesn't last forever for us.  I have buried a grand daughter at 3 months. My friend loses her life at 60, and some live until they are in their 90's... Only God knows.

 The word says he knew us in our mothers womb, all our days were fashioned..meaning he knew everyday of our life before we were even born.  He had a plan and purpose.  She shared her  heart  with me.  Thank you my friend.  I trust the Lord that  his will has been done in your life.  When I look to heaven I will always think of you....I love you my friend...  Thank you for everything you have done for me...

Dieing to ourselves for what?

Have you heard of the that book called Crazy love? By Francis Chan? powerful book. Tonight I am looking at life through the eyes of about 6 young adults and man is it painful at times. I look back to the first time I accepted Christ when I was 11 years old. I didn't even know what I was doing really. Then I can go back farther and remember sitting in the catholic church watching where they go around the church to each station...ahhh the stations of the cross and my young experience of Jesus dieing on the cross and not quite understandingbut how powerful it was to hear that this man died a horrible death for me.... not knowing then that GOD knew me when i was in my mothers womb. THEN he called me by name..His name was tattooed on my heart. He had a plan at that point in my existence. Stacie was going to surrendar her llife to God and he was going to use her life story to bring many to Christ.

Francis Chan talks about GOD's movie. and how I have a very tiny small bit part in it. The crazy thing is that all of my life I didn't get it. Life was all about ME!!! ME ME ME ME!! What did I want in life? So what if my 'flesh" was screaming with lust or to live it up, that was "normal" right? I just wanted to be normal... The word says, we are not of this world and boy is that the truth. God is working in me. he is the one who lives in me now. When I said YES to jesus I said goodbye to the world, so when I try to go back and live life like others I CAN"T!!! Hello jesus the SON OF GOD lives in me. I have the power to raise people from the dead ( I haven't LOL) but I have the power of Jesus living IN ME!! So yeah when I try to live life my way and its not working out and I keep hitting brick walls , there will come a day when a light will come on or my eyes will be opened and finally I will be FREE... ITS NOT ABOUT ME... I need to seek him to swiftly find out what my calling is and get with the program, THEN, I will say that again THEN.....he will give me the desires of MY heart along the way.... Hello people we ALL have the same FLESH!! We all have a SINFUL nature!! sin is pleasurable for a season. I used to smoke and there would be times I would crave a cigarette and finally get one and then all anxiety would go out the window..I was in a blissful peaceful place with that cigarette smoke moving slowly down my throat into my lungs...aaaahhhhh. But what was really happening??? First I was believing a LIE...that smoke could kill me.. that cigarette would only last a few minutes then I would need another and another...no REAL peace or no real freedom from my anxieties..all was still there and I was adding to my problems by believing that lie. ANd the consequences (aww thats a word we don't like to talk about) could be cancer, death, coughing shortness of breath..That smoke did not belong in my lungs.. SAME thing with sin people. SIn is deceitful and separates us from God, then we are lost. without God we are LOST!!!! So sin has to go. Through Jesus death on the cross our sinful nature is dead, we are free in christ, our FLESH (those desires we hate to let go of) will die eventually the closer we draw to Him... Quit fighting your destiny..Let go and Let God...stop sinning and start living...in JESUS, He paid the price, his life...let the word of God dwell in you richly....let it come into your heart and breathe, then you will soar like never before... Life is short and we have already wasted enough time!!! People are dieing and going to Hell, we could be the light in their darkness.....they are not promised tomorrow, those friends god is bringing into your life may not be for your benefit but for you to share the gospel, DON"T SHRINK BACK!!!! GO FORWARD YOUNG PEOPLE!!!!!! DON"T LOOK BACK!! LET IT GO AND MOVE TOWARDS YOUR MAKER....AMEN!!!!

Scarecrow in a Melon Patch, Part 3: Siamese Scarecrows

Scarecrow in a Melon Patch, Part 3: Siamese Scarecrows Steven Furtick;

lovin life, growin in Christ

So today was an awesome day. God had a plan for us all that was so amazing. There is an amazing couple at my church that have a ministry of equipping people and helping them find freedom in Christ. Both my daughters have been to them for counseling and they love them. I have had the privelege to listen in on their counseling and have been soo blessed by the healing we have all recieved from them through the Holy Spirit.

So I have been trying to get my husband to go and it hasn't worked out. We have not been able to coordinate our schedule. Well today, Rachelle came home from a visit with them and said they would like us all to come over at 2:00. Well My son and my husband went and it was soo powerful. God delivered my husband and my son from some generational curses and anger and distrust in God. Thank you Lord!!!!

Man makes plans but it the lord who directs our steps. He knows where you are going and whats ahead, so it is much easier if we ask for help and trust him. I have always struggled with letting go and letting God. I know that that is pride. That I am smarter than God... Pride is a sin . So I have repented of that and am praying that through the Holy spirit of God I can let go of the things in life that come between God and I. TRUST.. He knows where I am at, where my husband is at and he is working in and through us. Praise the Lord. Thank you God for PFIC ministries and I pray that you would continue to bless them!!! Thank you for this great learning experience today God!! We are free in Christ Jesus!!!

A work in progress, more to come...

Jesus is my rock. I have been going through sometimes of testing, and although it is painful or hard for me, there are people who have suffered even greater than I . Today I feel as if I have come through a tunnel of testing but I have come to the otherside. Today there is light!! Today God is near and I can sense his presence. Today I am blessed. Beyond blessed. Its as if I have been on a spiritual retreat and I am renewed and refreshed.

3 days ago I was exhausted and tired and experiencing thoughts of despair. Nothing in my life seemed to be as it should be. But Gods word sustained me. The Holy spirit has breathed new life into me and today I am a new creation in Christ Jesus.

I have learned some powerful things this week. One is that no matter how I am feeling, Gods word does not change and I cannot be moved based on my emotions...My heart is desperately wicked. Jesus is the way the truth and the life...

The other thing is that I have to allow room for my children to make mistakes in this life and trust that God has his hand on their lives and let go. That is really hard for me. I believe it is because I never had a mother. I did not experience the presence of a woman in my life that loved me and could guide me with daily counsel and love and constant prayers. So I tend to voice whatever I feel to my children as if I am your mom and you need to listen to me because I know about life more than you and I want you to suceed without making mistakes as I did so listen to me, but they cannot hear me...So there is division at times and then I get emotional and hurt.

Thank you Lord for showing me this truth and opening my eyes to it. Help me to apply your word to my life and grow to be more like you Jesus......

Who I was and now who I am....

Here before your altar I am letting go of everything that is of myself..I just want to wait on you God, I just want to dwell on who you are.

Beautiful, Beautiful, Lord your beautiful to me......

Here in your presence I am not afraid of being broken , to wash your feet with my tears , Oh I will be poured out until there is nothing left,

Holy, Holy, you are you are...... This song is by Kari Jobe

I love to worship the Lord, enter into his presence and lay broken before him, to dwell on the beauty of God. He is sooo perfect. There is no variable in God. He is the same yesterday , today and forever. He does not change This world we are in is changing everyday. People change everyday. God loves us so much that he sent his son to die on the cross for us. That is an act we can never compare to. I love my children but I don't think I would be capable of allowing them to die for someone else's wrongs.

Do you ever wonder if God loves you? Well he does. It was you that he thought of that day when he said forgive them Lord they know not what they do...He bore all of my sins, my failures, my mistakes and my past on the cross. He who knew no sin took on my sin that I may one day be free from all of it. Free to find who I was in him. The bible says I am a new creation in Christ Jesus that old things have passed away and all things become new..2 corin 5:17.

Now that i am a Christian I want to love everyone with that love, but I am finding that I am not capable. In me there is not enough love. But as I seek the Lord he loves me and in turn I can love the unlovables.

Because he first loved me.. I am not perfect or have i ever been. God has made me a new creation but I have soo far to go. there is soo much that God has to chisel away. From my past, anger, forgiveness. As I grow in the Lord i am learning that this is a life long process, growing in him. coming to the foot of the cross is the first step everyday. HUMBLING myself. My ways did not work for me. For sooo many years I made Stacie the queen of everything, yes in alot of ways because i was a runaway or immancipated at 16, I had to survive, I was numero uno. I didn't have anyone to take care of me. I was alone. My family felt they had done all they could do for me at age 14 and i was in foster homes. I had lived in a different home since i was 6 months old. Divorce destroyed the family I never knew, my mom & dad. My Dad remarried a woman who had 2 children and then they had another child. I was with my mom for a short while (I believe the age of 3-9) During that time i lived with her and her next husband) He was an awesome man. He loved me soo much. He was an awesome father. he took me to baseball games, he took me camping and my favorite memory was when he would tickle me until I cried from laughing. They had a daughter but not to much longer their marriage fell apart. I had loved my life at that time, because as a child I was a part of a family and I fit in. I feltt loved and it was a good feeling. when my mom divorced him , I was sent to live with my real dad and his family. I love my step mom now as an adult and wish we could go back and change alot of the painful experiences we had. She did try to be a mom to me, I was a child who was hurting from the family I had known that was now no more and as any child would do, I idolized my mother. Who was a mess. so until the age of 13 I lived with my Dad, from there I was sent to live with an aunt. New family, new dynamics, same thing all over. Then to my grandpa and his wife's home. I loved living here because i had a cousin there and an aunt and we were like sisters all of us I felt like I finally fit in some where. That year i made some bad choices and my family felt it was best to send me somewhere else. I do not blame my family for anything in my life. I know that they did what they felt best and they all tried. I ended up in a group home at age 14. That lasted for a year. At this point I was angry and tired of pain and hurt. It was then i hopped in the car with a family relocating to bakersfield and they got me a job in a friends bar serving beer. At that point drugs took over my life and that was how I ended up going into Teen Challenge at the age of 22. I had three children in my life now and they needed me so I needed God to help me turn it all around, and he has.

I still struggle with the whole love thing. I believe it comes up alot for me and God is still to this day healing areas that i thought were long ago buried. I know that I need the love of God to love people. 1st John 4 : 7 & 8 Beloved let us love one another for love is of God and anyone who loveth is born of God and knoweth God, he that loveth not, knoweth not God for God is love, beloved let us love one another. When I was in Teen Challenge I worked through the taking responsibiltiy and blame thing, forgiveness and letting go. I realize now I satill need to forgive again and again for the same things. I need to give it to the Lord. I do. To the foot of the cross and leave it there. God has walked with me my whole life. He has been a constant presence in my life. He told me at a very young age that he would never leave me or forsake me and he has not ever left. He told me from a very young age that he loved me and had a plan for me and he is working that out in me to this day. GOD IS LOVE...He is beautiful...he goes to that place and fills me up so that i may pour myself out into others. No matter what or where you are God knows your pain and he is able to love you back to life..