lovin life, growin in Christ

So today was an awesome day. God had a plan for us all that was so amazing. There is an amazing couple at my church that have a ministry of equipping people and helping them find freedom in Christ. Both my daughters have been to them for counseling and they love them. I have had the privelege to listen in on their counseling and have been soo blessed by the healing we have all recieved from them through the Holy Spirit.

So I have been trying to get my husband to go and it hasn't worked out. We have not been able to coordinate our schedule. Well today, Rachelle came home from a visit with them and said they would like us all to come over at 2:00. Well My son and my husband went and it was soo powerful. God delivered my husband and my son from some generational curses and anger and distrust in God. Thank you Lord!!!!

Man makes plans but it the lord who directs our steps. He knows where you are going and whats ahead, so it is much easier if we ask for help and trust him. I have always struggled with letting go and letting God. I know that that is pride. That I am smarter than God... Pride is a sin . So I have repented of that and am praying that through the Holy spirit of God I can let go of the things in life that come between God and I. TRUST.. He knows where I am at, where my husband is at and he is working in and through us. Praise the Lord. Thank you God for PFIC ministries and I pray that you would continue to bless them!!! Thank you for this great learning experience today God!! We are free in Christ Jesus!!!

A work in progress, more to come...

Jesus is my rock. I have been going through sometimes of testing, and although it is painful or hard for me, there are people who have suffered even greater than I . Today I feel as if I have come through a tunnel of testing but I have come to the otherside. Today there is light!! Today God is near and I can sense his presence. Today I am blessed. Beyond blessed. Its as if I have been on a spiritual retreat and I am renewed and refreshed.

3 days ago I was exhausted and tired and experiencing thoughts of despair. Nothing in my life seemed to be as it should be. But Gods word sustained me. The Holy spirit has breathed new life into me and today I am a new creation in Christ Jesus.

I have learned some powerful things this week. One is that no matter how I am feeling, Gods word does not change and I cannot be moved based on my emotions...My heart is desperately wicked. Jesus is the way the truth and the life...

The other thing is that I have to allow room for my children to make mistakes in this life and trust that God has his hand on their lives and let go. That is really hard for me. I believe it is because I never had a mother. I did not experience the presence of a woman in my life that loved me and could guide me with daily counsel and love and constant prayers. So I tend to voice whatever I feel to my children as if I am your mom and you need to listen to me because I know about life more than you and I want you to suceed without making mistakes as I did so listen to me, but they cannot hear me...So there is division at times and then I get emotional and hurt.

Thank you Lord for showing me this truth and opening my eyes to it. Help me to apply your word to my life and grow to be more like you Jesus......

Who I was and now who I am....

Here before your altar I am letting go of everything that is of myself..I just want to wait on you God, I just want to dwell on who you are.

Beautiful, Beautiful, Lord your beautiful to me......

Here in your presence I am not afraid of being broken , to wash your feet with my tears , Oh I will be poured out until there is nothing left,

Holy, Holy, you are you are...... This song is by Kari Jobe

I love to worship the Lord, enter into his presence and lay broken before him, to dwell on the beauty of God. He is sooo perfect. There is no variable in God. He is the same yesterday , today and forever. He does not change This world we are in is changing everyday. People change everyday. God loves us so much that he sent his son to die on the cross for us. That is an act we can never compare to. I love my children but I don't think I would be capable of allowing them to die for someone else's wrongs.

Do you ever wonder if God loves you? Well he does. It was you that he thought of that day when he said forgive them Lord they know not what they do...He bore all of my sins, my failures, my mistakes and my past on the cross. He who knew no sin took on my sin that I may one day be free from all of it. Free to find who I was in him. The bible says I am a new creation in Christ Jesus that old things have passed away and all things become new..2 corin 5:17.

Now that i am a Christian I want to love everyone with that love, but I am finding that I am not capable. In me there is not enough love. But as I seek the Lord he loves me and in turn I can love the unlovables.

Because he first loved me.. I am not perfect or have i ever been. God has made me a new creation but I have soo far to go. there is soo much that God has to chisel away. From my past, anger, forgiveness. As I grow in the Lord i am learning that this is a life long process, growing in him. coming to the foot of the cross is the first step everyday. HUMBLING myself. My ways did not work for me. For sooo many years I made Stacie the queen of everything, yes in alot of ways because i was a runaway or immancipated at 16, I had to survive, I was numero uno. I didn't have anyone to take care of me. I was alone. My family felt they had done all they could do for me at age 14 and i was in foster homes. I had lived in a different home since i was 6 months old. Divorce destroyed the family I never knew, my mom & dad. My Dad remarried a woman who had 2 children and then they had another child. I was with my mom for a short while (I believe the age of 3-9) During that time i lived with her and her next husband) He was an awesome man. He loved me soo much. He was an awesome father. he took me to baseball games, he took me camping and my favorite memory was when he would tickle me until I cried from laughing. They had a daughter but not to much longer their marriage fell apart. I had loved my life at that time, because as a child I was a part of a family and I fit in. I feltt loved and it was a good feeling. when my mom divorced him , I was sent to live with my real dad and his family. I love my step mom now as an adult and wish we could go back and change alot of the painful experiences we had. She did try to be a mom to me, I was a child who was hurting from the family I had known that was now no more and as any child would do, I idolized my mother. Who was a mess. so until the age of 13 I lived with my Dad, from there I was sent to live with an aunt. New family, new dynamics, same thing all over. Then to my grandpa and his wife's home. I loved living here because i had a cousin there and an aunt and we were like sisters all of us I felt like I finally fit in some where. That year i made some bad choices and my family felt it was best to send me somewhere else. I do not blame my family for anything in my life. I know that they did what they felt best and they all tried. I ended up in a group home at age 14. That lasted for a year. At this point I was angry and tired of pain and hurt. It was then i hopped in the car with a family relocating to bakersfield and they got me a job in a friends bar serving beer. At that point drugs took over my life and that was how I ended up going into Teen Challenge at the age of 22. I had three children in my life now and they needed me so I needed God to help me turn it all around, and he has.

I still struggle with the whole love thing. I believe it comes up alot for me and God is still to this day healing areas that i thought were long ago buried. I know that I need the love of God to love people. 1st John 4 : 7 & 8 Beloved let us love one another for love is of God and anyone who loveth is born of God and knoweth God, he that loveth not, knoweth not God for God is love, beloved let us love one another. When I was in Teen Challenge I worked through the taking responsibiltiy and blame thing, forgiveness and letting go. I realize now I satill need to forgive again and again for the same things. I need to give it to the Lord. I do. To the foot of the cross and leave it there. God has walked with me my whole life. He has been a constant presence in my life. He told me at a very young age that he would never leave me or forsake me and he has not ever left. He told me from a very young age that he loved me and had a plan for me and he is working that out in me to this day. GOD IS LOVE...He is beautiful...he goes to that place and fills me up so that i may pour myself out into others. No matter what or where you are God knows your pain and he is able to love you back to life..

I love Saturdays..

Thank You Lord For Saturdays. I love to lay in bed and its the start of a fresh brand new day. With no hurry, no rush ...Lately these have been few and far between. Thank You Lord for new beginnings each day. I love that scripture, The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning, new every morning, great is his faithfulness.
Thank God that his love never ends. Thank you Lord that today is soo new for me. Thank you Lord that even when I have the worst day , tomorrow comes and I can start anew. I don't know about you but I need new beginnings. I need the grace and mercy of the Lord to follow me all the days of my life. I am a sinner. Saved by Grace. Nothing good in me. I was a wretch , I am a wretch still at times. I know alot of the times I am harder on myself, but the reality is that my righteousness is as filthy rags. I NEED God. and God loved me so much that he sent his son to die for me. Wow. just think about that. Who am I? Who am I that the creator of the universe would look down and see me? that he would be mindful of me? That his thoughts of me would be more than the sands ...That he would know me so intimately as to how many hairs I have on my head. That he could know me so well as he knows every thought before I even think it? That he would have a plan for my life. AMAZING...God is AMAZING...And his love is soooo great. I love to basque in the awesome love of my God. It is a beautiful thing to be loved. Thank you sooo much for this new day and for all the love that I have in you Jesus!! Thank you for the new day and for all your provisions for this new day. I am so excited to get to know you as well as you know me LOrd...

When I look in their eyes...

Its been a year and a half since I started this Blog. I never really learned it, but I am going to. I am soo excited to see God moving in my life. I want you to experience God the way I am right now. He is LOVE, he is amazing because he feels my pain, my joy he is with me always. He is my everything. I am a jesus "Freak" and I love it. I am on my way to becoming a radical believer. I have to. There is no other way for me. I do not want to be a Christian who just goes to church and never changes or grows in the Lord. I am not the kind to just be in the church choir . I have this fire burning in my soul, and there is this intense hunger that only God can fill. The more of God that I get the more of him I want. I have spent many years trying to fill my heart with everything else. I have tried the 'worlds way" Nothing else works. Nothing in this world, no human can fill that void that I had. I love my children and my husband but they are human and humans are capable of causing pain, beaking promises. I have found that when I love God with ALL ( not just alittle) of my heart, then and only then can I love with an agape love. like God's. He helps me to look past the imperfections and see that glimmer of hope that He is working in their life. That ignites a spark of faith that I need to pray God's word would continue to change their life. which in turn rattles the heavens to hear and answer my prayer and changes are happening. Woo Hoo! YES!!! There is power in prayer people. God is mighty he is able to do mighty things for us, because as we seek him , it no longer matters that my needs are met, so my prayers are lining up to what God wants , what his will is and that is that ALL shall be saved. Saved from HELL! Hell is real. I have has some crazy experiences in my life that I will NEVER forget. I am feeling like I should share these..go with the leading...well,

I was 18, I was a tossed to and thro christian, going to church regularly but being easily tempted away to parties and then feeling bad..but I loved to evangelize even while I was drinking alcohol or getting high, I was sharing JEsus with them all...and this one night this person, she was 14. She said stacie F your God. I don't want God in my life and I am sick of hearing you talk about him. I don't want to ever meet your fn God I would rather have die and go to HELL. I just shook my head at her like your crazy to think that way or say that! It wasn't until I was at her funeral about a week later that the reality of it all hit me and I just broke down. She had been riding in a mini truck in the back with a bunch of drunk teenagers and the truck went around a corner and tipped over and landed on her neck and she was decapitated. She died instanly they said. everyone at the funeral was crying for the tragic loss of this very young girl who had her whole life ahead of her... WHY they were yelling? But I was hearing her voice screaming loudly at me F your God Stacie . Thank God for the mercy of God because I needed it, It was a very devestating experience. I wish I could say that after that i straightened up and served faithfully but I wasn't really tired yet. It wasn't enough to straighten me up yet. I hope that somehow in that week that A. cryed out to God and told God she needed him and she didn't mean it and she is in heaven right now . Its very possible, sometimes the tough ones are hurting inside the most. I've had two more very similar experiences, one was where I backslid to go out with this guy that was good looking, I was 19. That same week I had been touched by God in some powerful ways but my flesh was screaming...party!! guys!! Well I spent a few days with this guy, he was hurting but I was too convicted to talk about God. I just wanted to party and have fun. Well, He committed suicide. he hung himself. At his parents house, in the garage. I spent the last three days of this guys life with him and knew Jesus and a way out and was too convicted to tell him Hey Jesus loves you He can give you a renewed Hope a new life......Powerful right? I can never look at life the same way because of these experiences. Death is soo real. We can't change that reality in life. we all take it for granted. But the bible says no one is promised tomorrow. Next time you meet someone , look into their eyes and consider the possibility that this is a very devine appointment and you have one chance to get this right. There could be no more tomorrows for them. Oh God light the fire in our hearts!! We are sooo selfish! We want to be comfortable and content. Stir us up Lord. Have mercy on us!!! Deliver us from complacency....shake us up to hunger for you more than anything else on this earth!! Give us a burden for the souls that do not know you and do not have salvation in you.